These People Should Live In Plastic Bubbles After Injuring Themselves In Dumb Ways
It's one thing to injure yourself in a cool, hardcore way like skydiving or being in an underground fighting ring that you're not supposed to talk about. Those are the kind of injuries that you can casually brag about with acquaintances and wear the scars with pride.
Unfortunately, a lot of injuries aren't the result of a sequence of actions taken directly from a The Fast & The Furious movie, but instead a consequence of something stupid we did and instantly regretted. Here are far too many people who injured themselves in hilariously dumb ways.
Fries > Functional Body Parts
There are few things more satisfying than the car ride home snacking fries you grab from the bag and shove in your mouth after leaving the drive thru. Sadly, it's the ones we love that end up hurting us.
What A Crappy Situation
Portable washrooms are never a good experience for the user, but this guy kicked it up a notch by suffering a head injury on the edge of the urinal. Hope the paramedics had good antiseptic!
What's Next? An Acme Box Falling From The Sky?
Growing up, I had a significant fear about stepping on rakes and getting hit in the face due to the cartoon trope. Good to know that my fear was rational.
Sister Leonardo Has No Chill
Grade school flirting is not an easy game, but this poor girl really took a hard L. On the bright side, I'm sure she got this guy's attention the second she hit the floor!
Sliding Over A Bar Top Shouldn't Be This Ball-sy Of A Move
Sometimes we think that taking the shortcut is a good idea, and might even look cool. As this guy knows, sometimes that is very far from the truth. Hopefully, he was able to reassemble his swim team!
Natural Selection At Work
If you don't know that you're supposed to take your clothes off before trying to iron them, you're beyond help. Maybe try a job where ironing isn't necessary, like being a clown.
I'm Hoping It Was A STOP Sign Just For The Humor
Do you ever do something thinking that you're so clever, only for it to backfire horrifically? This guy has the scars to prove that sometimes you should stick to the path more followed.
And They Said Marriage Was Hard
The key to a successful marriage is to keep the fun alive, and what's more fun than coming up to your room to see your husband with a mangled arm and screaming?
"And The ESPN Big Play Of The Day Was..."
No good act goes unpunished. One moment you're just trying to help a mother with her infant child, next thing you know you don't have functioning legs. At least the baby was okay.
Don't Watch Scary Movies Alone, Kids
I'll be the first to admit that I've run back to my bed in the dark trying to avoid the demons who are trying to kill me, but luckily I keep my bedroom door open.
Alexa, Play "Jump" By Van Halen
Wedding receptions can get wild, and it's easy to get caught up in the excitement. When people say tear up the dance floor, they do not mean like this. PSA: vodka red bulls do not give you wings.
Corkscrews Are For Opening Bottles, Not Creating Childhood Trauma
There are a couple of ways to help someone understand that a Swiss Army knife is a convenient multi-use tool that's perfectly safe for daily use, but this is not it.
Keep Your Friends Close And Your Enemies On The Opposite Side Of The Dodgeball Court
Gym class dodgeball was no joke. It was the perfect place to work out social tensions with your classmates in a relatively unhealthy and violent way! Allison just happened to win this round.
The Cruel Side Of Aging
Remember when you were a kid and you could do just about any dumb thing and not get injured? Now being an adult you get injured just trying to plug in your phone charger. How rude of life.
Big Monday Energy
Getting up to go to work in the morning can be a huge drag, but having to walk into the office with a mangled hand ruins any chance of having a good day.
First Physics Lesson
A lot of the things we learn in school are taught through a theoretical perspective, but there's nothing more educational than learning about practical application through personal experience. Newton's third law of motion in action!
Nailing The First Date!
I have several questions: Girl, what salon are you going to? Did the salon redo the nail, or did you look like a scorched demon for weeks? Was there a second date?
You'll Be Absolutely Shocked By These X-Ray Results
The good thing about having an accident at the hospital is that you already have doctors nearby and ready to help. I kind of wish we could see the a photo of their fried hair though.
Gordon Ramsey Should Add "Noodle Foot" To His Arsenal Of Insults
When I think of spaghetti, I tend to think of that scene from Lady And The Tramp and the Olive Garden's bottomless breadsticks, not a dangerous object that can cause bodily harm.
You've Heard Of The Turkey Dump, Now Get Ready For The Turkey Drop
Most of us don't think of Thanksgiving as a dangerous event, but this guy found a way to make himself a little less thankful for the holiday. At least he probably escaped kitchen duty.
Is This Guy Cursed?
At this point, it seems like this guy has been cursed by a coven of witches for the sins of his ancestors or something. No one should be this unlucky.
I Hope The Doctor Increased His Prescription
Real eye-rony that this happened at the optometrist's office. In other news, when this guy returns to work after this appointment, I'm sure his coworkers will be terrified going into their next eye exam.
We Shouldn't Get Too Into Songs
I get it: sometimes you just need to go off when a good song comes on. Just make sure that you get off of your chair before you let the music possess you.
I Need The Full Story, Patrick
While I've seen people having elevator shaft mishaps in movies, I've never heard of it happening in real life. I need to know how it happened. Patrick, feel free to slide into my DMs and fill me in.
A Match Made In Heaven
What is it that makes couples work? How does romantic attraction function? Some say birds of a feather flock together, so people who are prone to unnecessary injury fall in love.
No Pringles Are Worth This, Not Even Pizza Flavor
Thinking that there might be chips in a burning can is a really hot take. Imagine having to go to a pool party and explain why you have a perfectly circular scar on your tummy.
Running Does Not Rule
Why did elementary school teachers only drill it into our heads that we shouldn't run with scissors rather than all equipment? This guy was probably in an immeasurable amount of pain.
Fool Me Once, Shame On You. Fool Me Twice...
I have to pity this guy whose own body is rooting against him. He better start getting a solid eight hours a night and never get tired again just to keep his mouth intact.
Maybe It's Time To Hang Up The Hackey Sack Shoes
Hackey Sack is a pretty fun game, but not worth the physio that follows a hamstring tear. I think Ozzy Osbourne will forgive you if you stop playing and sit still during the concert.
Don't Drink, Talk, And Walk Backwards Folks
Be careful when at bonfires, or you might end up becoming part of the barbecued foods. I bet explaining why she looked like a grilled chicken breast was the worst part of the scars.
