Love Is Dead Thanks To These Awful Marriage Proposals
Listen, we all love roasting couples in love—it's a very necessary perk of being single when your only romantic interest is a bag of Ruffles chips you remembered you have in your cupboard. But we hold ourselves back because we're polite and couples really aren't that bad... at least that's what I thought until I saw these proposals.
These people either didn't try very hard or they've got completely different ideas than the rest of us about what just screams "love." If you're here for romantic content this is the wrong place because all of these are just big piles of garbage. And the garbage is on fire. Like, a lot of fire.
This One Was Udderly Awful
I hope Alice had the sense to say no to this disaster because this one took about 2% of this guy's effort to do. He just kinda skimmed the surface of what a proposal should be and didn't live up to his full-fat fiancé potential. I am so sorry.
I Guess If You're Already Doing Something "Till Death"
I think this dude was trying to show how committed he is. And yeah, we get it, you're willing to absolutely ruin your body for your future wife for the rest of your life. That's fine, I just hope you think about all the v-neck t-shirts you can't wear anymore before you do this.
The Worst Part Is That This Might Be A Bud Light
Ah, love. A scrap of paper, casual drinking, and a strip of electrical tape and you've got yourself a proposal. I'm glad she liked it because these two are definitely having a shotgun wedding. Hah. I'll show myself the door, thanks.
Why Buy A Box When You Can Just Hide The Ring In Your Fat Roll?
We love a good family heirloom, especially when it's a $10 ring from Target from your mother's second marriage and you have to hide it in your belly rolls. Pass the Irish Spring because this is some good, clean, family-friendly romance and I have no idea why it ended in divorce.
Multitasking Is Dropping A Load And A Proposal
This makes no sense. How are you going to spend all the money and time to put together a freaking PARADE FLOAT to propose, but instead of putting something nice like flowers on there, you put porta-potties? I need to speak to this person because I have questions.
Yeah Babe, Since We Love Dip So Much I Thought I'd Put The Engagement Ring In That XOXO
Hah, "dip into life with me," so clever. Do you know what would've made the joke even better? Not covering an expensive ring in nasty tobacco. But hey, maybe I'm old fashioned and that ring probably isn't diamond.
SUE
So, I'm curious, did Sue end up saying yes or did she give up squinting up at a slow-moving plane writing letters? Hopefully, she didn't fall asleep, but honestly, who could really blame her?
He Bought 99 iPhones To Propose To Her And She Said No
To be fair, nobody is going to marry someone with a ton of debt even if he's got the receipts to return the phones. That's just some questionable taste and poor financial planning.
Hope He Tagged Her In This Facebook Proposal
What a big oopsie it would've been if he forgot to tag his own fiancé in the proposal. That would've been soooo embarrassing. Good thing he remembered and tagged her correctly, otherwise he would've been shamed on the internet.
The Failed Proposal On Italian Herb And Cheese
I don't think I can name a more uncomfortable situation. This person literally heard a couple's relationship fall apart and had to stand there telling the sandwich artist they wanted their sub toasted while doing so. I mean, that's the plot of a movie right there.
He's Addicted To Her. Ha Ha. Do You Get It? Does This Make You Laugh?
I think the only word he spelled right in this entire post was his last name, and even then he couldn't capitalize it. But you know what? That's the only word he needs to know how to spell to sign them courthouse papers so more power to you.
Real Romance Is Marrying For The Vacation Days
This man has his priorities completely worked out. He's in good standing with his job, he's never late, and he makes sure to only request time off if it's absolutely necessary. Like for a wedding with the woman he loves oh so very much.
"Best Friend Proposed To His Girlfriend Of 2 Months With A Cake From Friendly's.... In Friendly's"
I would love to be the Friendly's waiter who's making like $5 an hour, in the middle of rush hour dinner service, with six tables they're running around checking on and grabbing ranch dressing for, who's suddenly got the weight of the world shoved on their shoulders when some Joe waltzes in and asks them to decorate a cake to propose. Would. Love. That.
From The Pilot's Perspective
Hopefully, this story made you realize those plane proposals aren't the way to go. They're slow, you have to rope in a pilot who clearly does not really give a hoot if you propose, and there's a high probability that your significant other will hate it.
This Would Be The Time To Take The Bluetooth Out
We get it, sir, you are so very busy. You are a connected person with many business opportunities and can't afford to be disconnected for even a second just in case you miss a call. Because missing a milestone is obviously more important than making that bread, baby.
Pretty Sure Jewelry Stores Don't Give Out Rental Rings
This guy is classy, financially smart, and will to ask for what he wants. And today he wants to propose to his girlfriend on a budget, and that budget is "free." I just love how he thought he could get away with it too as if she's never going to ask for the ring.
This Only Works If She's The 1% Of People Who Still Read The Paper
If I read this I would oh so humbly refuse to be a part of this public proposal in the classified ads. Like, who talks about all their rocky relationships and cheating scandals in the paper? Oh, I know, the same person who proposes in it, duh.
Truly The Luck Of The (Drunk And Urinating) Irish
This is a classic Irish proposal. If you don't have at least one stumbling drunk guy in the back of your romantic scene then you really didn't get proposed to. If you're really Irish he'll officiate your wedding too.
The Only Downside About Proposing In New York Is That You're Surrounded By New Yorkers
This is some classic New York fanfare, you know, the city that never sleeps and everyone's on a time crunch, including the tourists in Times Square apparently. Do you know what fixes a failed proposal? An NYC bagel.
He Should Have Asked Her For A Beer Like The Other Guy
So... not the greatest strategy. Telling the woman you want to marry that she smells isn't the right way to go about it if you don't want to start a fight. Unless you do. In that case, put the ring in the garbage and tell her to take out the trash. That'll really get the boxing gloves on.
