Let These Kids Be The Birth Control You Might Need In Your Life
At a certain age, you get to the point where the people in your life are either getting married and making families, or they aren't. It's one of the cruel things about getting older.
There are some of us that are on the fence and don't know for sure if we want to have more than one kid, or if we even want kids at all, so let's try and take a look at the more insane things that children do to help us make our decision.
Kids Are Sometimes Creepy
This little girl has been whispering into this vent back and forth for hours. At first, you think that she's just being silly until you start to wonder if there is someone answering back.
Because This Wouldn't Be Annoying At All
Kids are already out here making weird noises, the last thing we need is one that's going to make farting noises every time they walk. They probably blame it on other people, too.
Irony At Its Finest
Do you think that the contents of this book can even come close to preparing you for what it actually means to be a parent to a toddler? They don't call them the terrible twos for nothing.
Nutritious And Delicious
There are probably worse things that you could find out your kid took a bite out of than a stick of butter, but you still gotta ask yourself what made them think this was a good idea.
It's The Sentiment That Counts
Where did Jacob get the wise idea that licking someone's forehead is a proper way to great someone that you love and miss? Is that just something kids think about, or is it a learned behavior?
He's Just Trying To Help
At least this kid just used the makeup brushes as a prop for their toy and not for something that was actually going to ruin them...not yet, anyway. Just give it some time.
What Is Happening Here?
This is what happens when you spend a bunch of money sending your kid to art camp when they're not exactly artistically inclined. Like, it's good, but also questionable at best.
She's Going To Rule The World Someday
This little girl likes to bring a clipboard and walk around stores making checkmarks, and it makes everyone uncomfortable. But, that's what will probably make her go far in life.
Remember Having Quiet Time And Personal Space?
Kiss all your personal space and alone time goodbye, because children love to suck all of it up and make it impossible to do something as simple as trying on a dress.
That's A Lot Of Slugs
Does the act of rounding up and treating slugs for mysterious illnesses get covered in any of the parenting books children color all over? Those poor slugs...and those poor parents, too.
The Gift That Keeps On Giving
Imagine your kid tells you that they have a present for you and you're all flattered until you open it up and find out your kid handpicked some cat poop for you?
It's A Little too Late For Tears
Listen, I get it, having to get up in the night to go pee is a hassle. But peeing in your drawer and then blaming the dog when you get caught is insane.
Do You Think They Like Blue?
It's all cute and fun and games to see your kid all covered in paint...until you have to clean up the floor, those clothes, and your kid who probably doesn't like bath time.
This Seems Very Upsetting
Kids aren't always the best at drawing things, which leaves a lot of it open for interpretation. But it's pretty hard not to see a tombstone with your name on it.
How Very Clever
This little kid got into their parent's leftovers and thought they could be sneaky and replace an actual chicken wing with a plastic one. Soon they'll learn that you can't get away with it that easily.
Of All The Cruel Things
Kids do this thing where they learn your deepest, darkest fears and then milk them for all they are worth. Like hiding a giant plastic spider in the bananas that sometimes have real spiders in them.
Nothing Like A Family Vacation
Someday, they'll be bummed that they weren't more into traveling when they realize how expensive it is. For now, they will just lie on a dirty airport floor and cry about it.
Who Says Sharing Is Caring?
This is what happens when a child doesn't want to eat a whole pizza but also doesn't want to share with anyone else. Be petty and eat half of every piece.
That's Not Suspicious At All
They didn't even try to move the chair away for plausible deniability. That's just sloppy cake-stealing work. Let's hope that next time they aren't as careless with their work...and that they just take the whole cake.
Everyone Loves A Label Maker
A label maker is what brings out the inner kid in all of us. Which means that when an actual child gets their hands on one, it gets extra crazy.
You've Got Three Guesses
Nothing good can come from a sign on a toilet seat telling the next person that there is a surprise in there for them. It's best just to brace yourself and hold your breath.
Very Diplomatic Of Her
You'll be happy to know that this emotional plea ended up getting her a real puppy. Turns out her parents couldn't resist her and wanted their newspaper without scribbles on it.
At Least It's Healthy?
Overall, maybe this one is a win. Lettuce is healthy, but taking a whole one out of the fridge and trying to cut it up with preschool paper scissors? That's something else.
This Sums It All Up
If you ever wanted to know what it was like to raise a child, then this is it. They love to take all their clothes off and run around naked creating chaos.
A Delicious Surprise
When they asked their kid to put the spoon away, I'm pretty sure the parents meant to say put it away without food all over it. At least it's peanut butter side up. That's the silver lining.
Just What Every Shoe Needs
Do you know what Dad needs in his shoes? A whole bunch of sesame oil to squish around in there when he tries to walk. Do you think you can even get oil out of shoes?
A Passive-Aggressive Monster
Some words were exchanged and someone was left unhappy with the results, so they used their small child hands and opened up the bottoms of all the bananas to let them rot.
What A Pretty Pony
If your kid is asking you if they can use the stickers they found in the bathroom, maybe stop and check it out before just saying yes. Otherwise, you're going to end up needing to buy more panty liners and need to explain some things to the kid.
Bath Time Is The Best Time
You can't get into the mind of a child to even begin to understand why a recorder and a wooden spoon would be necessary bathing requirements. At least it was a bath to remember.
Thanks For That, Kid
The last thing anyone wants is to be reminded of their mortality from someone who is just starting out in life. They, too, will learn how quickly life goes by. Just you wait and see.
Ok, This Is Kind Of Funny
At least he's staying true to who he wishes he could be. But that's not going to stop the fight that's bound to come from him ruining his sister's birthday picture.
Guess We Know How She Feels
Look, mom and dad can love each other all they want, but do they have to rub it in everyone's faces? She doesn't need to be reminded of where she came from. At least she doesn't think so, anyway.
Kids Are So Sensitive About People's Feelings
Your uncle is coming over to celebrate his 40th birthday, something he's feeling insecure about. What can you do to help? Draw a picture to remind him of his fleeting youth seems about right.
What Did We Do To Deserve This?
This kid, just for fun, filled up a bunch of glasses with water and left them upside down on the counter so that someone is going to have to inevitably make a mess in order to clean up.
The Poor Dog Doesn't Even Know
If you can't hear your kids and don't know where the dog is, you should probably be worried for the dog. They are about to undergo a makeup that will change them, and not for the better.
She Is Laughing Manically
That poor cat looks like they are struggling for that last piece of dignity which they probably lost the moment that their human made a unicorn horn and stuck it on their head.
The Worst Apology Ever
At least they had the balls to tell their grandma to her face that their whole apology was a farce. Usually you have to read between the lines for that kind of thing.
The Face Only A Mother Could Love
If your daughter greets you like this when they see you coming through the door would you feel excited to be home? I mean probably since it's your kid, but is that really the greeting you deserve?
Every Kid Wants To Be An Only Child
We've got a young entrepreneur on our hands here trying to sell their younger sibling. The baby does not look pleased about their situation but that probably isn't going to change until they're adults.
That's A Lot Of Avocados
When you find out that your mom is afraid of snakes what do you do? You get a whole bunch of plastic ones and set them up for their mom to find.
